READ ON FOR A NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN ORIGINAL TEXT POST BY BLOGGER PARTYBARACKISINTHEHOUSETONIGHT
By HANNAH WALLACH
“One day I’m gonna end up running for president or something, and someone’s gonna bring up my blog, and I’ll just be exiled from the country,” said junior Kiley Timmons of Middletown who has over 50,000 followers on tumblr.
Kiley’s posts are not treasonist nor could they warrant exile. Instead, she jokes often about President Barack Obama, which she said is ironic because she is a liberal who “agree[s] with a lot of the things he says.”
Kiley’s blog, which features her original jokes and humorous one-liners, has nearly 4,300 pages. Although she currently runs a “text post blog,” when Kiley joined tumblr three summers ago she also posted about bands and “weird, random things that didn’t really make sense.”
Kiley estimates that she has about 25,000 original text posts on her blog.
Before I go on, you have to understand that Kiley is sarcastic and ironic, and her posts exist primarily to entertain. This may help: Kiley and I sit together at lunch, and she often pronounces spoon as “spawn” because “spoon” is boring and she needs to “spice things up.”
Keep this in mind when I say that one of Kiley’s most popular posts in the past month features another theme she frequently uses… Daddy issues.
“it’s weird how british people say “lift” instead of “elevator” and how my dad says “you are a disappointment” instead of “i love you,” she wrote for one post which garnered over 100,000 notes.
“I make jokes about how my dad doesn’t love me or how he leaves me, which is a case where people need to not be offended by things … people tend to like those posts,” said Kiley. “I guess it’s sort of like a surprise ending … It gets really serious all of a sudden.”
“If I ever do have something important to say, I’d be able to get it out to a lot of people … Like some kind of movement … And it makes me feel important and like I need to keep blogging.”
Kiley said her next goal is to hit 100,000 followers, which she expects to do in about a year since she gains about 1,000 followers a week.
Never-before-seen post by partybarackisinthehousetonight: bready or not here i crumb
Kiley’s favorite text post:
- “average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
My personal favorite posts by Kiley:
- why is the universe being explored when all the chocolate milk is already here on earth
- “no drinks beyond this point” more like “bet you can’t chug that whole thing without throwing up”
- hey barack look what i made!!! it’s a drawing of you with 8 arms you’re a baracktopus “it’s very good joe i’ll hang it on my fridge right next to the obamanable snowman”